Let's start with a quiz:Scottish actor Ewan McGregor is really good at:
A. American accents.
B. Farting rainbows.
C. Making awful movies.
The answer is of course "C." And I say this as a guy who has enjoyed a few Ewan McGregor movies in the past. Now I'm starting to question if I really did after all.Deception
is a relatively new release that sits in the "thriller" section and stars McGregor and the newly-crowned Sexiest Man Alive Hugh Jackman
. If Deception
were a human being, it would screw your girlfriend in front of you, shit on your towels and tell people you were an asshole. Deception
thinks you might be retarded and it won't stop laughing at you.Deception
stars McGregor as a lonely accountant who meets impossibly cool lawyer Hugh Jackman - all swagger and swinging dickery - and they strike up a friendship so quickly that one of them should have called bullshit immediately seeing as how these two characters would never hang out in the real world. McGregor's voice alone is so full of whine that it gets its lunch money stolen, while Jackman's confidence causes women to spontaneously get pregnant just by passing them in the hall. I'm assuming this happens anyway. It may have been a deleted scene. Whatever.
Anyway, Jackman's character leaves for a flight to London but not before McGregor discovers they have swapped cell phones accidentally. Shortly thereafter, he answers a call meant for his New Best Pal and tumbles through the looking glass and into a new world of an anonymous sex club known
simply as The List.
Soon, things aren't what they appear to be and McGregor's character is ass-deep in the middle of a heist. And then the excitement really begins once the credits roll.
This is a case of actors wallowing in material that doesn't deserve them. I have to think that the hows and whys (read: incriminating evidence)
that led to them taking the roles in the first place makes for a better story.
Aside from the plot being patched together from other movies, the direction is obvious and dialogue horrid. This is a movie where McGregor's character says to the girl he is rapidly falling in love with (despite not knowing her name and meeting her in a sex club) "I want all your complications
" and we're not only expected to think "Yeah, people say stuff like that to other people all the time" but we're also supposed to be wooed
. Just like the anonymous girl he nicknamed "Sunbeam." I wish I was making this up.
Jackman gets a pass just for the fact that he hasn't used up all of his goodwill from The Prestige
. Yet. And the actress unfortunately saddled with the "Sunbeam" moniker is Michelle Williams
who - much like her Dawson's Creek
co-star Katie Holmes in Batman Begins
- will have to deal with people wondering "Why did they cast her in this movie?" for most of her career.
But McGregor needs to stay away from this type of movie. It's getting toxic. Years ago when I was reviewing movies, I was one of four people suffering through Eye of the Beholder
- a movie where he plays a man who follows Ashley Judd's serial killer for a decade wearing the brightest red jacket ever made - and I thought he made the worst movie of the year. Luckily for all involved Battlefield Earth
was about to be released - plague-like - on humanity.
And then George Lucas came calling. Three awful times
It's time for Ewan McGregor to find Danny Boyle
's phone number again. He keeps talking about making a sequel to Trainspotting
, and that's a ride McGregor needs to sign up for. I'm sure Boyle is sorry for A Life Less Ordinary
. And based on the Slumdog Millionaire reviews
, he may actually
fart rainbows.If You Simply Must Rent a Movie With "-tion" In The Title:
I would recommend Rendition
. It's smart where Deception
is brain-damaged, and it doesn't hate you. Unless you signed the Patriot Act.
Labels: McGone reviews movies weeks or even years after their release, The IHoB Reviews